The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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