Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
