At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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