y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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