Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
