I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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