its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
