four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
