My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
