We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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