Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
