There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
