omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Who died my cat blue again?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
