the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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