her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.