My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I looked at my own cervix.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10