I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
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He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.