I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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