I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
