dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this boner is exhausting
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
