I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
