So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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