VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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