dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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