Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
