i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
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Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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