i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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