Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
