he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.