Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha

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(202): I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha http://tfl.nu/h2dn

Replies (5) Good night (684) Bad night (4772)
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(805): View more from California

who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->

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(805): who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big --> http://tfl.nu/8d2r

Replies (9) Good night (586) Bad night (2284)
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(917): View more from New York City

apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'

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(917): apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money' http://tfl.nu/vf8t

Replies (4) Good night (2064) Bad night (823)
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(301): View more from Maryland

remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school

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(301): remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school http://tfl.nu/dith

Replies (36) Good night (3296) Bad night (558)
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(936): View more from Texas

what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?

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(936): what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card? http://tfl.nu/bsy4

Replies (78) Good night (5372) Bad night (822)
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(678): View more from Georgia

All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

(404): View more from Georgia

You mean bread?

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(678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8

Replies (60) Good night (17101) Bad night (1387)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Since when do you wear a bracelet?

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs

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(508): Since when do you wear a bracelet? (603): Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs http://tfl.nu/cgne

Replies (11) Good night (5700) Bad night (653)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

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(617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n

Replies (73) Good night (18702) Bad night (3702)
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(713): View more from Texas

I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.

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(713): I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand. http://tfl.nu/1sll

Replies (8) Good night (3107) Bad night (717)
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(425): View more from Washington

He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."

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(425): He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit." http://tfl.nu/w4dk

Replies (8) Good night (2058) Bad night (591)
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(406): View more from Montana

She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"

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(406): She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle" http://tfl.nu/6pb6

Replies (6) Good night (1941) Bad night (387)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .

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(215): So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand . http://tfl.nu/gg9e

Replies (22) Good night (1057) Bad night (2786)
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(585): View more from New York

Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.

(1-585): View more from New York

How high are you?

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(585): Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies. (1-585): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/ixro

Replies (6) Good night (2285) Bad night (416)
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(315): View more from New York

In other news, I just burned my penis

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(315): In other news, I just burned my penis http://tfl.nu/q4ky

Replies (7) Good night (219) Bad night (721)
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(760): View more from California

I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.

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(760): I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally. http://tfl.nu/7t3l

Replies (6) Good night (447) Bad night (229)

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