I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man