between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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