words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
