Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head