just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.