Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
barbara walters just said penis...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is