You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
don't judge my taste in strippers
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.