Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.