But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
