Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
