I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The power of my boobs compel you
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
