even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
