I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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