It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
