is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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