drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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