Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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