I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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