Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
