Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
