I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
