Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
