break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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