so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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