i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
