once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
