Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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