My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
