you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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