and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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