One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
