i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
