I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
