I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
