dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
