Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
