Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
