someone threw a dead crab at me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
