I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
