I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
