His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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