i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
