saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
