just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
