This girl is more easily done than said...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
