This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize