2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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